Anything is Possible

I was inspired this evening. I have felt inspired so many times, but this time it just gripped me around the shoulders and shook me. Leave it to American Idol. I just saw a young man on there who is a survivor of osteosarcoma. He was a dancer and a singer and was destined for Broadway before cancer interrupted his life at the age of 19. After months of chemo and surgeries he ended up having to lose his right leg in order to survive. And here I was sitting on the couch, tired from being at the doctor's twice in one week and sorta feeling down about missing work for a week because I have Pneumonia and type A Flu. I am definitely a believer of POSITIVITY IS POWER, but sometimes we just need a jolt. 2011 into 2012 was quite the year. I found out I had a pulmonary blood-clot and spent 6 months taking shots (thank you sweet Sean for giving them to me daily!). The bone tumor in my left arm that we had been watching was malignant and so the humerus was replaced by a titanium rod. Determined to remain left handed, I went to PT 3 days a week. I finished my masters in library science, but cut-backs in our schools meant that I couldn't continue to be an elementary school librarian. At the same time, my oncologist at Md Anderson basically said that he didn't have answers or time and that he felt it best to see me in 5 years and he would then at that time work on prolonging my life. We knew it was time to find a second opinion.

With two major changes in my life, Health and Career, I wanted to keep the faith and keep moving forward. I knew He had a plan for me and with that belief, things would work out and the pieces would fall into place. To be honest, I felt like this was a puzzle that would take forever to solve, but the pieces seemed to fall into place so quickly. By April I had met my new oncologist, Daniel Lehane, at Methodist. He is current and caring and he believes - no he KNOWS - that I will beat this. I knew that. You knew that. But it sure is nice to have the medical support behind me all the way too. I fell in love with him and Methodist. I also fell in love with Blocker Middle School. A friend told me about a position teaching reading and novels there. My heart just melted when I walked into those doors. I knew that this was the next step for me. Every day with my kiddos has been a blessing. Funny thing is, they really aren't that different from my sweet 1st graders. Just taller and with a more colorful vocabulary.

We had a tiny set back in the summer as we spent the whole summer fighting with insurance to approve stereo tactic radiation so that we could zap the tumors that Md Anderson had left behind in both lung surgeries. This type of radiation is more severe, but it is better than having surgery and has superb results for knocking out the small hard to treat tumors. Finally insurance said yes. For the first two weeks of school (after work) I underwent five treatments; the first one was two hours long and the next four were close to an hour and a half. I rang the bell to show that I had finished, but the next week, I got very sick. I was having horrible headaches and nose bleeds and went back to Dr. Paulino, my radiation oncologist. I had hypertension and pneumonitis. Just to be thorough, they did an MRI of my head and neck and orbits and found a large bone tumor in my C1. It had probably been growing there for the past 3 years. Miraculously at 21mm it was not pushing on my spinal chord, but it couldn't be surgically removed either. Three more weeks of arguing these points with insurance and I was approved for another 5 rounds of stereo tactic radiation. Once again I rang the bell. After a month of healing, I went back to see Dr. Lehane. All tumors are shrinking and should be gone gone gone with in the year!! Next step was to meet my urologist, Graham Guerrero, who is equally caring and compassionate and funny. He shared a lot things about my kidney and about how amazing my body is doing considering all that it has been through (Dr. Lehane was also impressed by how good I looked considering). We learned that it is better for the stent to stay in at this time and I was confident knowing that he was going to perform the surgery himself (Dec. 28th). Surgery was a success and to celebrate, my awesome hubby surprised me with a trip to Disney World. :) We had a wonderful weekend meeting Goofy and Pluto and walking miles on end eating Mickey shaped ice-creams and getting beaten up on all the fast roller coasters...and all the other ones too.

Today we met my nephrologist, Juan Sr. Olivero. His job is to make sure that my good kidney stays healthy. And of course he was also fabulous! I have complete faith in all of my doctors there. They are truly so kind and knowledgeable and make you feel like you are their only patient no matter what day it is. I also love that all of these doctors work together and have met to discuss my case. I feel like I have a huge support team there and that leads to a long and healthy life. The future may be unknown, but its definitely bright and optimistic. Next step; get the lungs back to complete HEALTHY and meet Dr. Carter, our high-risk pregnancy doctor. Praying daily to hear that all this waiting will lead to a new little Hawes.

A New Year of Birthdays

Happy New Years! New Years Resolution.....hmmmmmmm......keep living and smelling the roses....continue to take it day by day....I know I can think of others to do too, but I like these best.
I just spent an hour changing my page. Are you laughing? That's okay. I am proud that I remembered how to change it.
November and December were pretty eventful. I sold 7 pieces in my first Art Walk! That was fun. I learned a lot that day. I will do it again. In fact, I hope to sell more at the Evia Farmers Market. Mark your calendars for March 28th!!
I saw how the power of positivity and prayer can transform one's outlook when Michael collapsed during the San Antonio half marathon. What a fighter he is and continues to be. And not just him, all of you surrounding him fighting for him. And look at him now....every day is a positively new day for him.
Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years all came and went. I enjoyed the food though I paid for that later since none of it was on my chemo diet, but it was worth it. Family, laughter, happiness, new and old loves all together. I feel so blessed to have the memories old and new in my heart and soul.
December 28th brought a new style of "hospital lounging". With Sean working that day, the initial panic of him wanting me to move the appointment so I wouldn't be alone...well I reminded him, I would never be alone. I have family all around me. All of you. So Jen, Joe, and Andy accompanied me. We brought along the game Sequence and Mexican Train Dominoes for this was going to be a long day. In the past 3 years, I have learned that I can really relax before going. I know that no matter what happens everything will be okay. He has a plan. And it DOES include me living. So rather than going to bed super early (I can sleep through every test and in between ya know)we all stayed up in Houston at Joe/Jen's aunt and uncle's. We roasted marshmallows and played Rockband until our fingers hurt from strumming and our sides hurt from laughing. Memories. Life is not fully lived if you forget to live in between.
The next day started at 7:15 with labs and an x-ray. Then we settled down by the white gazebo on the second floor.....where we remained for the next 12 hours. No puzzle working for us that day. We visited with others and I "braceleted" new friends. While I drank 2 bottles of barium (my berry/banana concoction), we played Sequence. We weren't loud, but we weren't quiet either and something you could hear from us that isn't so common there was our laughter. Happy to be together no matter how the new memories are made. Just happy to make them each day. I had chest/abdomen/pelvic CAT Scan and then I was off to......EAT!!! So hungry by that point. Then it was time for the MRI. Learned something new about that...Jennifer, who is practically my sister n law (always wanted her for a sister!!), was able to sit in the room with me. They gave her a pair of ear plugs and for the next 45 minutes she talked to me and would dance to the clicks. The test is broken down into several different scans of varying length, usually around 3 to 5 minutes each. The scans are very LOUD and rhythmic sounding. Each scan sounds somewhat different from all the others. They range in sound from a jackhammer, to loud buzzing, to high pitched sirens. Despite the intensity and variation of noise many patients fall asleep during the scan. Jennifer didn't believe that you could fall asleep during this but even she was out for a 5 minute interval. I am glad she was able to be apart of that with me. What an amazing experience.
At 4:15pm I checked in for my 5pm appointment with my oncologist, Dr. Benjamin. The lady at the desk gave me a buzzer like you get at restaurants and also wrote down my cell number. That way we could stay over at the gazebo area with its couches and sunlight and uncramped space...an area not full of people nervously awaiting results. At 8pm we still hadn't been seen. I had a funny feeling in my stomach and left the group to go check on things. When I got to the waiting area, the lights were off and no one was there. But I knew that Dr. B. and his nurse Mara would still be there. They never seemed to get out of there before 9pm. Too busy making miracles happen! I went to the back area (3 years and you get pretty comfy around there) and I found them. They had no idea....the lady at the counter never passed my number or buzzer info on to them. I don't think she will make that mistake again though. :)5 minutes later, we had our results. Everything looks fine he said. All organs are good and though I need to continue to watch any tummy issues and nose bleeds (thinning of the vessels) things are fine. He also said no chemo breaks. We had asked if I was to be on it every day of the year or if breaks would be good. He said no, no breaks. I can't tell you more. We don't know more. What we know is that he is still happy with what he sees, no matter how little the change appears to be each time. Though 3 years later, there is still no new growth. I am most happy about that. Because that means another birthday!!! Speaking of birthdays - Friday, April 30th is Galveston's Relay for Life event. The theme this year is Celebrating Birthdays!! I really really really want you to sign up to come. You can join my team, Positivity is Power, or create your own team. It really is so much fun. There is no training required for this. It is a night of fun, games, food, memories...and of course walking the track. The more people that sign up and come, the better the night will be. The more money we raise, the more lives we save. Did you know that 97% of your donations go to the American Cancer Society funding. Not to paychecks...not to events....not to travels...but to the CURE! No other organization can truthfully say that. Here is the link www.relay4life.org Once you are there, look up my team, Positivity is Power. Then click on the link "join". I have already raised $200.00!!!! Thank you Gabby, Kolby, Bobby and Cookie!! I am so excited!! And I am hoping to make it to my team goal of $3000.00. Please join me this year. Please help me stay awake all night. We relay at night because it's in our darkest hour that we feel the most alone, the most afraid. With all of you around, I am not alone nor am I afraid. So come, be with me. Help me fight to help me and so many others make it to another birthday.
February 22nd and 25th I will see the doctors again. More tests and my favorite.....a visit to the urologist for a stint exchange. Till then....
Carpe Diem!!

So I found yet another perk about Mda....when you do not have a working computer at home, use the one at Mda! We have a virus on ours and we haven't been home much to fix it. The whole thing is a mess right now, but I'll work on it some day this week for sure....unless I have any volunteers to come sit at my computer and talk with Microsoft, Norton, and Comcast to fix it.....no - no takers to do that and I understand completely.
Anyhoo....here I am. It's testing day. I had labs and x-rays earlier and now Sean and I are hanging out till our 2:30pm CT appt. I'll come again tomorrow morning to see Dr. B for the results. I feel like he will say that everything is running on course as it should be. I am almost finished with the 1st month's dosage of Sutent and hopefully my white blood cell count comes back great so that I can continue on to the second month. I am positive it will!
Speaking of Positivity is Power, let me tell you about camp!! For those of you that were there with me....ice cream and cake, ice cream and cake, now slip slip slip slide, slip slip slip slide......Needless to say, I had the most amazing journey at Camp 4 All with the Rainbow connection. You really HAVE to go to www.rccamp.org to see this. The staff was amazing (but camp 4 rocked it out!!!!), and the kiddos were incredible! The rainbow connection just celebrated it's 25th year of taking kids 6-15 that have cancer, blood disorders, or are siblings of those that do. And the camp is the coolest ever!! Thanks to so many amazing sponsors, these kids get to have one of the most amazing weeks of their lives. And most of them come back year after year....and I met 2 of the sweetest counselors that were campers then Jr counselors and now counselors! Along the way, I made some of the most amazing campers and counselors and made some pretty neat new friendships. When I say that I can't wait for next year, I mean that I really can't wait for next year. Janis asked if she could give out my Positivity bracelets to campers and staff. WOW!!! So every time someone was "caught" stargazing....just kidding....being or doing something positive, she would give them a bracelet and yes, by the end of the week, everyone had one!!!! I really hope they will do that next year.
Will email again tomorrow after I see Dr. B.
Carpe Diem!!

Beginnings

So a new year will bring new beginnings for me. New Chemo that is. You can say that 500 more times and it isn't going to make me any more ready than I am right now. Fear? Check. Unsure? Check. Ready? Check. I hardly know anything about the process and the effects, but I am ready. After all...I told God that he could have two years of my time, but then he had to give it back. March 17th will be 2 years. It is called Sutent (sunitinib). It is a pill that I will take daily so that's pretty cool. No catheter means I can stand upright when I shower and we won't have to clean it all the time either. Their main concern is my blood pressure. This medicine will attack the veins around my tumors in my lungs. I am am on a small dosage of blood pressure med now. They will increase the dosage once I start on Sutent. There are more possible side effects, yes, but we are just going to wait and see. I do better not focusing on all of the "what-ifs". Jan 6th. That day we will meet with my oncologist, Dr. Benjamin to get more information. I feel like I have so much more that I want to say though I am really not in the mood to write at this moment. It is cold down here in my "office" and I am hungry. Feeling? Happy to have finally started this blog on blog spot. Excited for my brother to be coming in just 2 more days. Elated that my Uncle called and invited us to go skiing in Tahoe in March. Nervous that my oncologist will say no to skiing and to Tahoe. Lucky. Simply lucky. Lucky in love. Lucky to be loved my my husband, family, friends.