Anything is Possible

I was inspired this evening. I have felt inspired so many times, but this time it just gripped me around the shoulders and shook me. Leave it to American Idol. I just saw a young man on there who is a survivor of osteosarcoma. He was a dancer and a singer and was destined for Broadway before cancer interrupted his life at the age of 19. After months of chemo and surgeries he ended up having to lose his right leg in order to survive. And here I was sitting on the couch, tired from being at the doctor's twice in one week and sorta feeling down about missing work for a week because I have Pneumonia and type A Flu. I am definitely a believer of POSITIVITY IS POWER, but sometimes we just need a jolt. 2011 into 2012 was quite the year. I found out I had a pulmonary blood-clot and spent 6 months taking shots (thank you sweet Sean for giving them to me daily!). The bone tumor in my left arm that we had been watching was malignant and so the humerus was replaced by a titanium rod. Determined to remain left handed, I went to PT 3 days a week. I finished my masters in library science, but cut-backs in our schools meant that I couldn't continue to be an elementary school librarian. At the same time, my oncologist at Md Anderson basically said that he didn't have answers or time and that he felt it best to see me in 5 years and he would then at that time work on prolonging my life. We knew it was time to find a second opinion.

With two major changes in my life, Health and Career, I wanted to keep the faith and keep moving forward. I knew He had a plan for me and with that belief, things would work out and the pieces would fall into place. To be honest, I felt like this was a puzzle that would take forever to solve, but the pieces seemed to fall into place so quickly. By April I had met my new oncologist, Daniel Lehane, at Methodist. He is current and caring and he believes - no he KNOWS - that I will beat this. I knew that. You knew that. But it sure is nice to have the medical support behind me all the way too. I fell in love with him and Methodist. I also fell in love with Blocker Middle School. A friend told me about a position teaching reading and novels there. My heart just melted when I walked into those doors. I knew that this was the next step for me. Every day with my kiddos has been a blessing. Funny thing is, they really aren't that different from my sweet 1st graders. Just taller and with a more colorful vocabulary.

We had a tiny set back in the summer as we spent the whole summer fighting with insurance to approve stereo tactic radiation so that we could zap the tumors that Md Anderson had left behind in both lung surgeries. This type of radiation is more severe, but it is better than having surgery and has superb results for knocking out the small hard to treat tumors. Finally insurance said yes. For the first two weeks of school (after work) I underwent five treatments; the first one was two hours long and the next four were close to an hour and a half. I rang the bell to show that I had finished, but the next week, I got very sick. I was having horrible headaches and nose bleeds and went back to Dr. Paulino, my radiation oncologist. I had hypertension and pneumonitis. Just to be thorough, they did an MRI of my head and neck and orbits and found a large bone tumor in my C1. It had probably been growing there for the past 3 years. Miraculously at 21mm it was not pushing on my spinal chord, but it couldn't be surgically removed either. Three more weeks of arguing these points with insurance and I was approved for another 5 rounds of stereo tactic radiation. Once again I rang the bell. After a month of healing, I went back to see Dr. Lehane. All tumors are shrinking and should be gone gone gone with in the year!! Next step was to meet my urologist, Graham Guerrero, who is equally caring and compassionate and funny. He shared a lot things about my kidney and about how amazing my body is doing considering all that it has been through (Dr. Lehane was also impressed by how good I looked considering). We learned that it is better for the stent to stay in at this time and I was confident knowing that he was going to perform the surgery himself (Dec. 28th). Surgery was a success and to celebrate, my awesome hubby surprised me with a trip to Disney World. :) We had a wonderful weekend meeting Goofy and Pluto and walking miles on end eating Mickey shaped ice-creams and getting beaten up on all the fast roller coasters...and all the other ones too.

Today we met my nephrologist, Juan Sr. Olivero. His job is to make sure that my good kidney stays healthy. And of course he was also fabulous! I have complete faith in all of my doctors there. They are truly so kind and knowledgeable and make you feel like you are their only patient no matter what day it is. I also love that all of these doctors work together and have met to discuss my case. I feel like I have a huge support team there and that leads to a long and healthy life. The future may be unknown, but its definitely bright and optimistic. Next step; get the lungs back to complete HEALTHY and meet Dr. Carter, our high-risk pregnancy doctor. Praying daily to hear that all this waiting will lead to a new little Hawes.

This is NOT a step back...

It has been a while since I have last updated this blog. I have been doing pretty well. I taught art camp again this past summer and we had such a wonderful time sketching, painting and learning about Galveston County's history. I had an ArtWalk for my art students at the wonderful Fit TO Run and they had a blast. I am still smiling just thinking about all of my awesome kiddos! My grad classes have been wonderful too! I have nearly completed my masters - one semester/2 classes left. I can't believe it is already here. I have met some amazing people there too! Last Spring, a UNT friend of mine, Rhonda, and I partnered in our class to write a grant for our class project. We chose my school. AND WE WON! This means $3000 worth of supplies that are coming to our library to create a professional literacy library that will benefit teachers and students both bilingual and English in grades Pre-K - 4th. I can't wait to put it all together! I have loved learning and I have been so blessed to finally get to be the librarian at school. As my second year in the library, I am having a blast teaching and helping everyone. I love my students and my teachers. I love getting to teach and help everyone in the library. Life outside of school has been wonderful too with new babies being born, weddings, and concerts. My hubby, family, and friends have continued to amaze me with their kindness, support, laughter, and strength.

Ok, here comes the not so great part. Things seemed to have happened so fast. I do feel like the life above is mine, but that what I am about to say feels far away as if it is someone else's dream that I am in. We have been going for our regular check ups and Dr. Benjamin has told us that things have been just fine. That the tumor in my left arm was of no concern and most likely benign and that I have no signs of mets anywhere else. However, the end of September is when things really started to get hairy. Surgery missed a tumor in my right lung. It happens. Or should I say bleep happens. No sign of mets, but it is there and at some point we will need to do something about it. I don't know what yet. I don't know because that is all Dr. Benjamin said about it for now. And to make a long story short, a pulmonary blood clot went unnoticed and we got a phone call after our 9-29 appt. that it was a pretty good size and located in my lower left lobe. I was to immediately start the shot Lovenox twice a day for a week and then every day for 6 months. I learned a little bit more then about our new insurance that the district changed to then too. We had to meet the overall prescription meds/OOP $2000 deductible first and then we'd owe 20% every time after. Easy to do when the shots are more than $1200. I am not a candidate for the other, cheaper, stuff like Coumadin because Sarcoma patients have thicker blood and it is harder to break up the clot. Then, after all of the talks about my arm being fine, we found out on October 21st that the tumor was not benign. More so, it had doubled in size since the March scan. It is in my bone marrow in my humorous in my left arm. AND on Wednesday the surgeon, Valerae Lewis (SHE IS AWESOME!!!), said that I have to have surgery on Monday to remove it. As in THIS Monday. She put my left arm in a sling because the bone is brittle and if I continue to use it like I do....did I mention that I am left handed and severely left arm dominant....that it will break. SO here is what they are going to do. They can't scrape and radiate it like they first thought. Because that would not leave clean margins. My type of cancer can leave microscopic disease behind that the doctors wouldn't be able to see until it was too late and by then it would be back and have metastasized. So on Monday, Dr. Lewis is going to resect the tumor. She will make an incision from the top of my humorous down to almost my elbow. Then she will remove about 6 inches of my bone. Then she will put in a titanium rod that looks like a lollipop. The stick part will fit into my remaining bone and the ball part will attach to my shoulder joint stuffs. It will take about an hour to close, all in all 3 hours from start to finish. I will be at Md Anderson for a few days, then home, then I can go back to work! If you want and you have extra time during the week, please please please come help me in the library. I will honestly need volunteers to help me check in/out books and shelve. I can teach all of my classes, but I will have a harder time doing this part of my job. I will have lots of physical therapy, but we have been to the wonderful 23rd street location when I had to learn how to walk again after the first surgery and I promise you, I will do everything to gain as much mobility back in my left arm again. I like my arm WAAAAAAY too much to give up on it. :) Now - touch the top of your head with your index finger. Are you doing it? Ok, that is the range of mobility that I will have after physical therapy. I don't kow how long it will take to get there, but I don't care. I can handle that. SO I won't be able to fully raise up my left by my ear - that is why man invented ladders. :) And I do have my right arm....better learn to embrace that one more! I do feel like I am becoming more and more like the bionic woman. That's OK. I will have one heck of a powerful left arm after all of this! And more importantly, it will leave a clear margin, one that would remove that pesky bone tumor. This is still the same cancer, ASPS. This type of cancer does not follow the rules so much remember? No stages, slow growing, not real active, moves where ever it wants through tissue, bone, and blood. And while this has been there for a year, it was very hard for anyone to see what it was going to do until it started coming out of it's shell so to speak.

This is all we know so far. I know that more chemotherapy and another surgery will be in my future because of that little stinker of a tumor that must have been playing hide-and-seek when I had lung surgery in December, but we will cross that bridge when we get there too.

Stay Positive. Sean and I are and we know that everything will work out. We are willing to do what we need to so that we can get to be parents and so I can hang around for another 60 years. Even if it means that I become the Bionic Woman!


Positivity Is Power!